I'm in Charge of Me.

Once upon a time there was a girl who happened to be an oldest child.

End of story, right? That explains it all? Ha.

Sometimes when you're an oldest child, it's natural to take charge. Isn't it cute how I think I'm in charge of so many things? Goodness. How did I ever make it through this far in life?

Life happens and sometimes it freaks me out when I'm not in charge. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed trying to be in charge of what I'm in charge of. What do I let go of? What do I hold on to? When do I let go? Who? What? When? Where? Why? How? Blah. Blah. Blah.

One thing I know I'm for sure in charge of, is that how I write my own story is my choice. That's why I like this blog. If I can't be in charge of everything in life, I'll at least be in charge of how I tell the story. I can't choose what happens all the time, but I definitely choose what I'll say about it.  I guess that's why journal writing is so important. It tangibly allows me an outlet for fidelity of thought and idea. It makes things more concrete. I make the Happily Ever After. Erica? Girl, you write in your journal... or on this blog.

The End.

Wait. End of story?

Never.

Tomorrow always comes and so does the telling of the story.

*The pic from above is from the movie Neverending Story. Yeah, the movie was great, but the book? A definite adventure worth reading if you take to the fantasy type. If you're more of a thinker, it's a perfect book too. See HERE.

Sometimes When You're Crazy

Sometimes when you're crazy, you experience the most wonderful moments of life. Terror. Delight. Ecstasy, Sadness, Peace, Joy, Anger, Violence, Compassion, etc. You feel them unexpectedly and with intensity. Maybe I'm not crazy but its just life that's crazy and I'm experiencing it... on drugs (the prescription kind, Grandma). Well, nope. I'm pretty sure its me that's the crazy. I used to think that crazy people were "evil" or "bad". Now I know. We're just like the rest of you, but with some extra Sriracha in the mix. That's right. My life has spice (Sriracha kind, not the street drug).

I can experience a variety of emotions so intensely. Like playfulness, sadness, creative flow, humorous comebacks, etc. And yet most of the time, I feel a general affect of anxiety. Even on intense amounts of anti anxiety medication. Is it crazy that I can't get simple tasks done like laundry or grocery shopping? When I do, it takes an intense amount of energy and focus. I can't even get fun things done like read books or sew or embroider. I feel like I have about 100 different thoughts that zip around in the confines of my cluttered brain and while they dart around, I hop up and down trying to catch one that I might take hold and act upon it and yet, as my fingertips brush upon the tip of an idea, it dashes away.

Need a visual? Think Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Think of when the heroic trio (Harry, Ron, Hermoine) get to the locked door after escaping from the three-headed dog Fluffy. There's those billions of keys flying around above their heads in the rafters. Harry successfully nabs one while swirling around on a broom. Holy smokes. I just figured out the solution to my problem. I need a Nimbus 2000. Now where's a girl to get one? Diagon Alley. Anyone have the directions (and funding) to get there? Road trip!