Monday, March 29, 2010

Caught Off Guard and Headed for the Campout

Over the past couple of months, I've felt on a couple of occasions that life would be moving forward. Ha ha! Of course it moves forward. What I mean is that I felt that a new stage/change is coming on. The brief inspirations weren't anything specific, or grand declarations, but quiet small feelings that snuck in and out and left me to carry out my daily doings on the lookout. Even while on the lookout, the changes have taken/are taking place have come so subtly. This process has been quiet and patient and slow, but its happening. On some occasions I've quietly observed and discovered them and on others, I've been caught off guard.

I was out with some friends not too long ago. Midst the whole sha-bang, I felt a spark of the old fire that's been lying dormant in me for so long. So long ago it left me; that period of time, when I did have it, became like a dream. Oh, how I've longed to get that back. Don't get me wrong, now. I've been productive and doing well, feeling gratitude and joy in life, but this old friend of a feeling was that of laughter mixed with light and excitement. Its the delight felt before pulling a clever prank with expert mischievousness. It's the twinkle in my eye. For so long I'd wondered if it might be dead and gone for forever. It couldn't possibly be, right? When time seemingly passes at such great length, those thoughts do cross the mind.

Anyway, it was a weird feeling to have fly through me. I felt a little uncomfortable, not bad uncomfortable, just uncomfortable. I was caught off guard. The feeling was so brief. A flicker of a moment. I love to be caught off guard and that was the best one in a long while. Since then those sparks have started to smolder and grow brighter. The fire's coming back. I'm thinking there's going to be a camp-out soon.

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